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UX Designer Cheat Sheet

UX Planet — Medium | Guy Ligertwood

What your digital colleagues are really saying

Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash

Working in digital, I’ve noticed that people talk in tongues. There’s a slightly passive aggressive subtext to what people are really saying, which I find pretty amusing.

Subtext

A hidden meaning of someone’s words or actions. It’s what they really mean. They say one thing but mean another.

From Thesaurus.plus

→ Here’s a cheat sheet to find out what the hell your colleagues are really saying:

“No, there are no bad ideas”

= “That was a bad idea”

“All feedback is welcome”

= “Feedback’s welcome, just don’t be a wanker about it”

“I’m working from home, you can ping me on all channels”

= “I’m working from home, please leave me alone”

“Does that fit our visual language?”

= “That looks a bloody muddle”

“I’m a Product Designer”

= “UX is old news champ”

“That’s a standard pattern for iOS / Android”

= “Please don’t argue with Apple / Google”

“Thanks for the feedback, I’ll keep that in mind”

= “I’ll listen, but choose to ignore that”

“We’ll put it in the backlog”

= “That’s the last you’ll ever see of that”

“That’s a great point but…..”

= “I’ll make you feel good, then politely tear you to shreds”

“Would be good to see the data on that”

= “I’m pretty bloody positive you’re wrong”

“I didn’t get the calendar invite for that meeting”

= “I had no interest whatsoever going to that meeting”

“You’re right but….”

= “You’re wrong”

“Out hack day’s going to be great, we’ll build it and everything”

= “Once this hack day’s done, we shall never speak of it again (except in company PR)”

Let’s take this offline

= “For f#*ks sake can you shut up about that crap”

“It’s a pretty high level meeting, you probably don’t need to be there”

= “This meeting’s a bit above your station”

A colleague taking charge of your computer “Can I drive?”

= “Jesus, I don’t have time for this crap”

“We’re agile”

= “We’re not very agile, more like mini waterfall”

“Have you explored the idea of ……”

= “You need to try something else, this idea’s bloody awful”

While in a meeting “I need to go to another meeting”

= “I can’t be arsed with this shit”

While in a meeting, take a phone call and walk out

= “Yes, I’m pretty bloody important”

“How does that design look in mobile web?”

= “I’m trying to catch you out”

“Invision sync / One Drive / Dropbox has screwed my files up”

= “Shit, I totally forgot to do that”

“I’m working from home”

= “I’ve got an interview”
= “I’m in bed”
= “I’m hungover”

(in slack) “My train is running slow, I’ll be in late”

= “I slept in and am struggling to get out of the house”

If you enjoyed this, read some of my other semi-humorous UX articles:

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UX Designer Cheat Sheet was originally published in UX Planet on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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